Love Is Attention: The Story Behind the Film

This film didn’t start in a studio. It started in a coffee shop.
With a pen. A piece of paper. And me crying in public.

That was the morning after DomeFest West 2024. I had just come back from being completely blown away by the immersive work I saw there. I wasn’t even planning on making a film at the time—but something shifted. Something opened. And when I sat down at that café table, I didn’t just write the outline of a film—I released something I had been holding onto for years.

At the heart of that moment… was Jonathan.

Jonathan

Jonathan was my best friend in high school. An absolute goofball. A brilliant, raw, weird, hilarious artist. He was the first person I ever met who showed me what it meant to live your art. Not just make it. Live it.

While most people were trying to be cool or fit into some mold—he was fully himself. He wasn’t chasing approval or trying to sound like anyone else. He created from instinct. He had this rare kind of confidence that didn’t come from arrogance—it came from authenticity.

I admired that. I learned from that.

But when I went to college, everything changed. I got caught up in the world of ambition. Entrepreneurship. Achievement. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to be taken seriously.

I started reading all these self-help books. One particular quote hooked me…

“You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn

And I took the worst possible interpretation of that idea.

I decided Jonathan didn’t “fit.”
He wasn’t driven. He wasn’t career-focused.
He was just... an artist.

So I cut him out.

The Call

Years passed. I built businesses. I hit goals. I “leveled up.”
And then one day, I got a call.

Jonathan had a seizure, hit his head, and died.

That call crushed me.

It wasn’t just grief.
It was guilt.

I abandoned someone who mattered.
Not because they hurt me. Not because they were toxic.
But because I thought I had outgrown him. Because I thought art was beneath me.

That was a fracture in my soul I didn’t know how to repair.
But it changed me. It pulled me back toward the things I used to love—music, visuals, making things just to make them.

It took years, but slowly, I started reconnecting with that part of myself.
Not the entrepreneur. Not the achiever.
The artist.

The Shift

A week before DomeFest, I read a quote that resonated:

“Love is the quality of attention you pay to things.” - JD McClatchy

It stuck with me. Because I had stopped paying attention to the right things.
I stopped paying attention to Jonathan.
To art.
To the things that made me feel alive.

That quote rattled around in my head during the whole festival.
Wen I woke up the next morning I went to a coffee shop and poured it all out.

I wrote the concept for the film on a piece of paper, and wept while doing it.
It felt like some kind of release.
A turning point.
A catharis.
A beginning.

At that moment, I knew I had to make this film.

Making the Film

This film took nearly a year.
I scored the music first—every second of it. I poured my heart into the sound.
It was like writing a letter I couldn’t send. A way of talking to Jonathan. A way of talking to younger me.

Then I built the visuals from scratch.

I used vintage analog gear—video mixers, glitch boxes, CRT screens.
I created feedback loops that couldn’t be controlled, only explored.

I never knew what would happen.
I just played with it.
That was the whole point.

I wasn’t trying to make something perfect. I was trying to feel something real.

The Truth

This film isn’t about Jonathan. But it exists because of him.
It’s me saying: I’m sorry. And thank you.

It’s me remembering how to listen to the part of me that doesn’t care what anyone thinks. The part that just wants to create.

And if there’s one thing I hope people take from this film, it’s this:

Love is attention.
To what do you pay attention?

Because that question changed my life.

And maybe it’ll do the same for someone else.